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[FIC] Pandora's Box .59.

Title: Pandora's Box
Pairing: YunJae and more
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst. Drama. Romance.
Summary: There are many different forms of love. And this you are reading now, speaks a love of destruction.
A/N: WOOT PEOPLE! Miss me? LOL. Sorry, am feeling super excited now cos I just found my aim in life! How does me being a pyschotherapist sound to you?
Okay, end of randomness (just trying to share my joy of finally found THE direction in my life).
In the coming Aug 22, for those sweeties who have been with me for so shitting long all these years, is PB's 3rd Anniversary~!
I know I am like a snail when updating in recent years..but please understand the mental stress this fic has on my fragile soul. XD
Let's pray for this fic to finish on Aug 22 itself
Thank you so much if you're still waiting and anticipating and following this fic, here is the ..uh, second last chapter of their pathetic past =)
This chapter will be a tad boring, but I promise it will get better, especially the very last chapter *evil long laugh*


 

 

.59.

 

 

 

 

 

He must be in a dream.

 

To say it felt like a dream would be an overstatement. It felt like a part of him – the soul? The spirit? – was extracted out from the shelf of the body, hovered above in the midair, and watched.

 

He watched, as the body of Jung Yunho stayed vigilant by the bed, by the body of Kim Jaejoong.

 

He knew Jaejoong wasn't there in that flesh, and yet his beloved was there. Like a child building sandcastles all around him, Jaejoong imprisoned himself within the fragile yet sturdy walls. Because he was behind the walls of the sandcastles, and because sandcastles crumple when a tide comes, Jaejoong would soon be buried and lost.

 

From the moment he fell, Yunho knew that Jaejoong was waiting for that tide, and Yunho knew the tide of wave that would destroy the sandcastle goes by the name of Jung Yunho . . . The Yunho who had decided to treat the other man as a mere friend . . . no.

 

The Jung Yunho who had set on seeing Kim Jaejoong as a foe.

 

Nothing is ever simple black and white. There are always shades and shades of grey.

 

A part of Yunho wished for the eternal unconsciousness of the handsome beauty. If Jaejoong sleeps forever, Yunho would not be tempted again. And then everyone would be safe. Everyone, including his sanity.

 

However, a part of Yunho wished to shake Jaejoong out of his seemingly peaceful sleep. Or to awake him with a fairytale-like kiss. Yunho’s sanity might be saved for the time being while Jaejoong’s lids remained tightly shut, but Yunho knew his soul would wither and die, gradually.

 

But will he really remain sane if his beloved never held him in his pearl-like eyes ever again?

 

The familiar yet seemingly faraway dull ache pressed against his chest.

No, he couldn’t think further than this. He couldn’t.

 

When had he become such a coward?

 

No . . . he wished he had the energy to laugh, because he felt like it now.

Perhaps he is always a lowly coward.

 

Really, he didn’t know how long the flesh of Jung Yunho had been sitting on that wooden chair at the bedside. At times he could feel his limbs, and yet at times he seemed like watching someone else’s stage.

 

But there was once, perhaps twice, he thought he heard cries from afar when his surrounding remained the constant darkness.

 

To hear in the darkness that was enveloping him was like listening underwater. Something important was lost in the middle of transmitting. It was so, until the very word made the single crack line in the dark . . . the only key to the rusty lock.

 

“-- . . . Jaejoong hyung! Who would look after him if you fall too? Please hyung, eat something . . . if not, for Jaejoong hyung’s sake . . . ---”

 

But he didn’t register what was shoved into his mouth, and what his dry throat had swallowed.

 

They were right; Jaejoong breathes if only he does.

 

“ . . . – say something to him, hyung.”

He recognized the thread of tired plea in the voices ringing beside his ears.

“The doctor says there will be a better chance for Jaejoong hyung to regain conscious if we talk to him. Constantly . . .”

 

“And we need you . . . he needs you . . .”

 

The truth?

 

“Even if it was a mere word from you . . . but ours . . . he . . .”

 

Whose?

 

“This is your responsibility, Yunho hyung.”

 

Changmin.

He recognized the very last voice.

Changmin . . .

His responsibility . . .? Yes, his, and all his, like it always was, wasn’t it.

Jung Yunho’s life doesn’t belong only to Jung Yunho’s flesh, but also to Kim Jaejoong’s life. Always vice versa.

 

But.

But it was weighing down on his shoulders so much, so much that he felt like giving in to the load and simply collapses. A selfish thought it was, but really, he was tired. Really, really tired.

Another individual’s life is almost totally dependant on you . . . far too much. And now, a handful of other’s lives had been affected. All because of him.

 

Why couldn’t Jung Yunho be stronger?

Why must Jung Yunho be such a weakling?

 

Selfish he was, deep within, a part of him, once again, wished for the eternal silence of Kim Jaejoong.

 

His battered soul couldn’t take in more of Kim Jaejoong. Be it Kim Jaejoong’s love, Kim Jaejoong’s insecurities, Kim Jaejoong’s trauma, or Kim Jaejoong’s soul.

 

All these were too much on a one weak and ordinary man like Jung Yunho was.

 

If only this man was stronger . . .

 

And now he knew, like a coward he always detested so, and yet he could never shake off this undesirable part of him.  

 

But he was really, really exhausted.

 

Did Kim Jaejoong feel the same too?

 

Tired of what was shared, what was there, between them?

 

The thought of Jaejoong growing sick of him . . .

 

The huge lump was up his throat on the next heartbeat.

 

“ . . . --- Boo.”

 

It was soft, almost inaudible that he was sure even his very own ears would miss it.

 

“. . . Jae . . . my . . . Boo.”

 

And when the man lying on the bed remained indifferent, Yunho chuckled lightly. The sound rang hollowly in his ears; the dull ache in his chest spreading to his limbs, his eyes seemed to sting.

He laid his cheek very carefully on Jaejoong’s pale and still fingers, and closed his eyes.

 

He felt like the one being abandoned.

Perhaps he was.

 

“. . . If you were to leave . . . take me too . . . uh . . .?”

 

The air was awfully silent, and Yunho thought so was his heartbeats, until he felt fingers tickled his rested cheek.

 

His Jaejoong had awakened.

 

                                                *           *           *

 

Finally, he was here with him.

He had been submerging himself underwater for too long. His voice – his presence – was like some enormous force which never failed to pull him out, on both arms, strong and steady.

 

Almost . . . he had almost allowed himself to drown to his death, if not for the man’s changed of mind.

 

His Yunho ah . . .

 

He wanted Yunho to be the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes. And he did. Lashes fluttered, the initially light was too sharp, it blinded his eyes so much. But he knew Yunho was there, here, right with him.

And he wanted to see him again, so much.

 

The Kim Jaejoong missed his Jung Yunho.

 

. . . But, did the Jung Yunho miss his Kim Jaejoong too? Can he assume that, because Yunho decided to bring him back, he must have missed him too?

 

It was still not complete victory he was tasting. A disgusting taste mixed with fear.

 

When he could see clearly, the beautiful face of his Life was trekked with tears; dried tears, fresh tears. People always say his Yunho is handsome. But to Jaejoong, his Yunho is beautiful. Tears are cruelly pretty, and his Yunho always tear before no one but him.

 

But me.

 

Memories washed back like the silent tide in the late of a night, and both men simply locked their stares with one another. Time seemed to stop, what enveloped them were the thousand emotions they felt for each other at that same one time.

 

He drank the sight of a soul-lost Yunho hungrily, disillusioning himself for at least this moment that it was because he loved and cared, thus so.

But he remembered, the inhuman decision that was made against him, the contempt that was set against him, and the heart that was locked away from him.

 

Uncontrollably, the broken soul and body started to tear. Mist formed in those soulful and bloodshot eyes, and when his vision of a stoning Yunho blurred, tears fell.

 

Why did he wake up?

Why did he wake up to a reality that would break him without even trying?

 

Yunho was still staring blankly at him, or was it right through me? But he had awakened him, it must have meant something, yes? It had to mean something. There was a small crease between his Yunho’s handsome brows, could he interpret it as heartache?

 

Or did the loathe he held for his presence caused that dislike between his eyes?

 

Feeling as if every single fiber in his bones were breaking up upon the slightest movement of his muscles, Jaejoong managed to turn his head away from him.

 

No, he couldn’t bear to see any contempt in those eyes he loved so. Maybe he could try to hate the handsome man too? But how was it even possible!

 

He shut his eyes tightly, hoping to sink himself into his spun lies behind closed lids.

 

But his eyes flew opened when he felt a sinking weight beside him. Before his mind could register, a palm cupped his cheek gently and then his head turned. He was met with a pair of cold and dry lips, the delicacy he had always yearned for so much.

 

Jaejoong meowed softly in his dry throat in contentment and disbelief, and before he could kiss him back, his love pulled away and left a gush of brittle breeze against his parted lips.

 

Don’t leave, he wanted him.

 

“Yun ---”

 

I will not forgive you.”

It was an unfeeling statement which pierced right through his heart effortlessly. But before his soul could tremble with despair once again, Yunho had learned forward to capture his bottom plump lip with his teeth.

 

He opened his mouth immediately on the very next heartbeat to chew on Yunho’s lip too, and like a pair of carnivores, they devoured each other’s mouth hungrily, teeth clattered against teeth, lips pressed tightly against lips, hot breath exchanged, sliver threads dripped from the corner of their mouths.

 

Yes, Jaejoong’s soul flew when he sucked ferociously onto Yunho’s exploring tongue, Yunho is mine to love again.

 

 

________________________________________________________________________



a/n II: *blinks blinks*
Really sorry this is what you get after such a long wait  *pouts guiltily*


Comments

( 59 rants — Rant it. )
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(Deleted comment)
outlandishhh
Jun. 13th, 2009 05:24 am (UTC)
LOL! at least it's a moment of happiness bursting within you, though short. haha!
thank you for being here hon *hugs*
i know how hard it is to not give up on this fic. =)
xox_roxygurl
Jun. 13th, 2009 05:19 am (UTC)
hope you can update sooner next time XD LOL!
but still, thanks so much for the update! :D

wait the part "i will not forgive you" does yunho say that to jae? like he hates him or something? O_o but yay jae's awake!
outlandishhh
Jun. 13th, 2009 05:25 am (UTC)
i hope i can update sooner too! XD

well......what did yunho mean and feel when he said that? *gets bricked* think of the present!

but yes, jae is awake <3

thank you for always being here! <3
kattan69
Jun. 13th, 2009 05:29 am (UTC)
They are kind of two lost souls perfect for each other but....

Anyway, at least we know Yunho still comes back to his Jaeboo.

Can't wait for the last chapter....which is so so long awaited...^-^
outlandishhh
Jun. 13th, 2009 05:35 am (UTC)
yes..SO LONG WAITED MUHAHA.

*hugs you tight*
thank you dearie ♥ you sweeties always give me the support i need so much <3
(Deleted comment)
outlandishhh
Jun. 13th, 2009 05:37 am (UTC)
OH YAYS!<3
mumbles
Jun. 13th, 2009 05:35 am (UTC)
omg you finally updated! 8D
Always love your updates! Can't wait to see what you meant with me hating on yunho.
♥♥
outlandishhh
Jun. 13th, 2009 05:39 am (UTC)
dearie! ♥

LOL. well..hate not in 'that' hate but..indirectly? feeling uncomfortable-hate.
LOL. it will be revealed fairly soon!

thank you for ALWAYS BEING HERE with me! ♥
*hugs tight*
you know i love you <3
(no subject) - mumbles - Jun. 13th, 2009 05:43 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - outlandishhh - Jun. 13th, 2009 05:54 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mumbles - Jun. 13th, 2009 05:56 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - outlandishhh - Jun. 13th, 2009 05:57 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - outlandishhh - Jun. 13th, 2009 05:58 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mumbles - Jun. 13th, 2009 05:59 am (UTC) - Expand
akameluver716
Jun. 13th, 2009 05:43 am (UTC)
yes!!!! update!!! :) i love your fic so much so don't feel guilty at all ^^
outlandishhh
Jun. 13th, 2009 05:54 am (UTC)
aw, you're such a sweetie<3333
chloe1910
Jun. 13th, 2009 05:52 am (UTC)
I think it'll be davastating to Jaejoong if he knows that part of Yunho doesn't want him to wake up again. Of course, it's for Jaejoong and Yunho's own sanity and other people's safety but to have the person who is more important than yourself thinks about that, even for 1 second is truly sad....

Makes me think that perhaps, it would be better if Jaejoong's suicide was successful...then he could end his misery...and others too...sigh, but without Jaejoong, Yunho would just be a living corpse..sigh, perhaps, both should end their misery and leave this world together..sigh.

I am never one who support suicide, as it's the stupisedt and most coward way to thigns but sigh...their world is truly fucked up in this fic......

wow...this is the 2nd last chapter????? Wonder how this will end, Es ah..

BTW, congrats in finding the aim in your life...
outlandishhh
Jun. 13th, 2009 05:56 am (UTC)
hi chloe! =)

yes, jae would be torn to know that part of yunho didn't want him to wake up T_T *hugs jae*

i don't support suicide too, it's plain dumb, but looking at them..hopefully my ending can sweep you sweeties off your feet *evil long laugh*

thank you hon <33 i'm basically floating on nine clouds to have found my aim!<3
(no subject) - chloe1910 - Jun. 13th, 2009 06:01 am (UTC) - Expand
bambayahh
Jun. 13th, 2009 06:23 am (UTC)
guh~ i'm gonna have to read the previous chapters cause i forgot what junsu did to yunjae, but i know it's bb's fault. (+ Min) lol xDD

and yunjae's relationship is so ;____;

(you know, i think this is the only story that can take a year to update and i won't mind. lmfao. that being said, please don't take a year to update though. HAHA xDD hope you can reach your goal and complete this on Aug 22?)

fighting :]
tumnamen
Jun. 13th, 2009 07:32 am (UTC)
one of these days i should just go back to chapter one and try to read everything in one sitting. i should probably wait till the story is finished though right...yeah that is what i will do.
snow2kiss
Jun. 13th, 2009 08:14 am (UTC)
oh...so that's why yun couldn't call out for jae...but he also couldn't win love ;P
still this is not totally relieving...yun is still being pulled by different emotion...jae is still possessive & "crazy"...I want to see action in the present after the fight in their house :P
rajakormi
Jun. 13th, 2009 08:39 am (UTC)
hi there! i am going to copy and save it as a word doc. shall read it in my own sweet time, hence the time i wait for the next update won't seem so long.
but then knowing me it'll probably be the first fic i read today. ooooohhhh i'm so weak. :P
sisca_tvxq
Jun. 13th, 2009 09:06 am (UTC)
This is the second last part for their past or the second last episodes ?
agnetalovek
Jun. 13th, 2009 09:13 am (UTC)
Yay uppdate. I waiting in winglin but still I got to read it here instead.
It's so sad and I'm crying as always~.~
Just thinking about their future and now, how come it's even more fucked up?

If you want to be a pyschotherapist, I'll cheer for you. Cause you fic has some style of a pyschotherapist.

Luv you xD
kawaii_shuai
Jun. 13th, 2009 10:15 am (UTC)
FSVOGOBEGJAPIHBSBNS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥!!!!!!!
vicshi
Jun. 13th, 2009 11:08 am (UTC)
relieved Jae woke up, finally Yun's torture is over at least for now.
update soonnnnn
virginangelic
Jun. 13th, 2009 11:56 am (UTC)
I am SO SO SO relieved that Jaejoong has awakened but at the same time worried, considering the present situation. God, I just want them to be happy but somehow, I get the feeling that it won't be this way.

I can't believe that it's been 3 years since I first read this. Take your time writing because I expect to be blown away by the ending. *cackles*

And I'm glad that you've found your calling in life. :) All the best with both the writing and your future endeavours alright?

I don't know if I can comment faithfully on every chapter like I always do since I've already started my conscription but be assured, I shall try all ways and means to ensure that I do get to read every single chapter past this. Hehe.

Hwaiting bb.
bao_bao
Jun. 13th, 2009 12:28 pm (UTC)
oh man i have to go reread the fic to catch up... n yes!!! yunjae tgt... erm for a while? cant remember wat happened in the future... argh~~~

u will be a very high pyschotherapist... XD (based on the very few times i met u... :p)
crystaldee
Jun. 13th, 2009 03:38 pm (UTC)
HOMG!!!
YunHo just felt guilty and he wished that Jae would never open his eyes?
T___T
How cruel of him....

What will Jae do after he screams at JunSu in the present.....
I wonder..... XDDD

Whoa...this fic is almost 3 years...
Aigoo... XDDDD

Waiting for the next part now!!! XDDD
I hope it'll be the present in the next part ^__^
kimimeemaya333
Jun. 13th, 2009 04:28 pm (UTC)
YAY! you updated!!! Saving myself a spot-
kimimeemaya333
Jun. 13th, 2009 05:13 pm (UTC)
eh? That was kind of confusing on my part- I'll make sure to reread again soon.

SO basically... wait-. Yunho won't forgive Jaejoong about what he did? Then why is Jaejoong so happy? Or unless Yunho said it only to himself. Hmmm.... fishy on Yunho's real motives here.

Personally... I think Yunho is just plain GOD DAMN tired. Who wouldn't be when all this trauma has been the two of them and having to carry the weight of Jaejoong on his shoulders, yet alone his own.
It's true that he is being a little selfish in his current doings, but he's human.

Yunho wants to imagine a life without Jaejoong yet he could not bare to do so. I think he's more dependent on Jaejoong than he lets out to be, because his decisions always thinks back to Jaejoong, almost as if it is on auto-pilot.

Haish.... >.<' Just my two cents?

Anyways, dear. Lovely chappie as always. Sorry if I always leave a long comment. >.<' You know me, ILOVEYOURSTORY that's why I always leave it like this. HAHA

Update soon k?
(no subject) - kimimeemaya333 - Jun. 13th, 2009 05:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
whomperjawed
Jun. 13th, 2009 08:29 pm (UTC)
*blinks* 3 years, already?! Oh, bb. <3

Poor, weak Yunho. D:
fi_chan
Jun. 14th, 2009 12:46 am (UTC)
OOOh my an update!! *___*

But alas, I shall brb to comment coz I'm hungry as hell and trying to get my thoughts all settled after reading the emotional 'reuniting' scene. ^^;;

<3
fi_chan
Jun. 15th, 2009 12:45 pm (UTC)
WHoof! Like I said, a very intense chapter! (Then again, since when is this fic never intense? XD)

It's not really a shock that Yun had second thoughts about speaking to Jae in the coma. But still, it would have been a little too morbid and cruel if Yunho had refused to speak to Jae in the end. ><

ANd so Jae is awake again! And despite all of his good judgment Yun is drawn into his spell as always. It's such a deep love that it's quite problematic, isn't it! I wouldn't even know how to describe it!

But lol! Yes, it realllly doesn't matter that you find you need a lot of time in between updates to write the next chapter. I dunno how you can write this fic! It's so deep and emotional (in a 'shit i can't breathe' way lol). I can definitely see how it would take a big emotional toll on you to have to write all the angst. SO as always, I say good on you for still updating and not giving up! :D

ANd wowww! That plan in life sounds great and very suited to you! I've always had a deep interest in psychology too! But I never ended up taking any courses in it in university because it required doing a stat course with it and I vowed never to touch maths after i left highschool LOL!! Good luck with it though! It's always great to have a goal and direction in life! hehe

<3
jangwoohyuk35
Jun. 14th, 2009 12:47 am (UTC)
Well first off...i know u love me cuz i love you lots too!!...hehe <3

Now for my YunJae...oh boy! I feel so bad for Yunho. I mean here he is conflicted about wanting Jae to wake up or not cuz he knows that his twisted relationship and dependency with Jaejoong is hurting not only them but the others as well...aish!

Why can't they just suck it up, apologize to everyone, admit their undying love for each other and just be together already? That's how you can fix them :) These freakin fools! lol...they are so stubborn it irks me! haha. Oh and also by making my beloved Changmin be happy with one of his other hyungs...Junsu or Chun...either one works for me **wink wink** haha

Seriously hun..i'ma have to go back and re-read all the previous chapters so i can be fresh in my mind...but that'll just make me love this story more! hehe..i will do it!! <3

As for your new direction in life...CONGRATS LOVE!!! Being a psychotherapist sounds awesome!! And honestly...based on this story's elements and dark themes...i think you'd do an amazing job at that profession!! Go for it!!

Once again...lots of love for you and remember to rest and stuff so you can continue on with this story and make everything better with my YunJae, and well you know...break off the whole YooSu stuff cuz it just bugs me ;) hehe i'm so mean~~ don't you just love it?! :p
ara_niey
Jun. 14th, 2009 01:36 am (UTC)
“I will not forgive you.”

i wonder if it means what i think it means.

'Yunho is mine to love again.'

finally..thank goodness!*grins*

thanks for updating~
underknight
Jun. 14th, 2009 03:21 am (UTC)
Hahhh....

I just don't get it you know... So to speak, Yunho is tired with Jaejoong being all dependent on him, but still doesn't want him to be gone completely.

Dude, I don't think there are shades of gray here. It's just like everything or nothing at all. Black and white. It's Jaejoong, and Yunho has to choose. His sexual tension has gone too long...

No happy ending? Might as well make all of them die by suiceide then. ^.^
joongielover
Jun. 14th, 2009 05:56 am (UTC)
Jaejoongie is alive. That's all I care about. LOL. I'm glad that they're together again :). So sweeeeeeeeeet :D! Yay for obsessed love and yunjae ♥
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