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[drabble] Always There For You

Title: Always There For You
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: Pg-13
Genre: Slight . . . Abstract.
Summary: Yunho cries only before Jaejoong, because Jaejoong is always there for him.
A/n: My muses have left me for the longest time ever. Tonight I feel like posting something, but my creative juices have dried up, completely, and so I bullshit with something like this.
For those who reads my works, please read this like this is not written by me but someone who is desperate to have her dry well filled to the brim again. For those who do not know me at all, please treat this as a newbie's bored writings...my first time writing in a first person's point of view.
Feedback appreciated, Thank you ♥ 




T
he salty little dews fall, and I caught them, with my forefinger on his tanned cheek, his dark brows come together into a pained frown, his eyes closed, lashes fluttered, lips parted.

 

I bring the moist fingertip to my mouth, part my lips, and taste it. The marvelous saltiness from my best friend’s soul. I lick the tip of my finger, almost swallowing it whole.

 

His pain clenches my heart, and it frustrates me.

 

“This is not enough, Jaejoong ah . . . I must be stronger. I cannot fail them. I cannot fail us. I must be stronger. I cannot fail.

 

He is suffering; my eyes can see that, my heart can feel that. But I am not going to offer him any consolations. I am not going to tell him he can do it. He can do it, of course, because he is Jung Yunho. The Jung Yunho all of us have chosen to lead us into a future where no one can ever attain. But I am not going to tell him that. He is in pain, but I am not going to give him the courage he needs so badly.

 

Instead, I say, “lay in my arms, Yunho ah.”

 

And so he does.

 

He seeks comfort in my arms. I am not going to tell him he is doing fine and all of us will support him no matter what. Instead, I want him to know, my arms are the only real consolation that he needs, and will ever need.

 

You will need me, Yunho.

 

You need me.

 

 

                                                            *           *           *

 

 

“Hyung, lately . . . don’t you think you have pushed yourself a little too . . . hard?”

 

I raise my gaze from my chopstick of rice and stare hard at Junsu. And then I shift my gaze to the man beside me, waiting for the response I know will stir little bubbles of anger within me.

 

“Hyung . . .” Our dear little Kim Junsu reaches across the table to cover Yunho’s balled fist on the table with his warm palm. Our dear and naïve Kim Junsu. Our dear Junsu dongsaeng who is always under the protection wing of his Yunho hyung. “You have us. You can share anything with us . . . You are our leader, but that doesn’t mean you have to shoulder everything alone. We will always be here to share.”

 

Indeed, Yunho starts to show signs of softening of his bow-strung nerves on the face. He hesitates for a moment, the little light in his eyes shimmer, and then he starts to open his mouth.

 

But I cannot let it happen. Yunho is going to lean towards Junsu, the longest friend he has in this group before me.

 

“Yunho is the leader, and he is strong enough to shelter us from everything. Don’t you trust your Yunho hyung’s ability, Junsu ah?”

 

The stark stunned look on Junsu’s face and the pain-stabbing look on Yunho’s face give me the satisfaction that I am the one with the upper hand now.

 

Is Yunho ever going to admit that he is weaker than what we perceived him to be?

Is Junsu ever going to claim that Yunho is not strong enough as a leader and a hyung to shelter us from all obstacles?

 

 

No.

 

 

“Jaejoong is right, Junsu ah . . .  Hyung is fine, and so you needn’t . . . worry.” His smile is so forced and lonely. Junsu is naïve, but he is not insensitive. And although it pisses me, I know he knows to read Yunho’s expressions well enough to know that Yunho does not need to be exposed of his helplessness right now.

 

Junsu looks like he is torn between voicing out his thoughts and keeping his doubts within himself both for the sake of his Yunho hyung. And so, he has to go.

 

“Junsu, go wake Yoochun and Changmin up. Breakfast time is nearly over. We have to leave in less than an hour’s time.” I narrow my eyes slightly to put my point across, and to exert my sense of authority as the eldest hyung. It is easy to get Junsu moving. Somehow, he responds to hyung’s command-like message pretty well.

 

Junsu tosses a worried glance towards Yunho before nodding with a small ‘Yes’ and leaves the table.

 

Finally, only me and Yunho left.

 

“They are your dongsaengs, Yunho ah.” My voice is so soft and full of understanding that even I feel proud of myself for the illusion. “You may not have the courage to bare your troubles to them, but you can tell me. I am not your dongsaeng . . .”

 

Yunho looks up at me with almost hope on his face. Which is exactly what I want.

 

“You can always come to me, Yunho ah. I will always be here for you.”

 

And he does.

 

 

                                                *           *           *

 

 

Yunho then becomes a leader who does not cry in front of his dongsaeng. He cries before none but me.

I am the only one who sees his tears.

I am the only one who knows how his pretty lashes will shimmer with little shiny salt dews.

I am the only one who knows how his supple lips would part with a slight tremble that could squeeze one’s heart.

 

And I am the only one who knows how utterly beautiful he is when his tears rolled with lids shut.

 

So fragile, so beautiful. The seemingly strong Jung Yunho in the public. But before me, he is so beautifully fragile that I wish to hold him against my chest and crush his ribs.

 

Only I know.

 

And so I have finally become the someone special in his heart. My status in his world is finally higher than any of them four.

What is the nine years of friendship between Yunho and Junsu?

What are the pouring-the-souls-into-the-night conversations with Yoochun? What is the advice seeking from the mature Changmin?

 

None of these matters to me anymore, because none of them has ever witnessed his tears. They will never be able to have the chance of holding their breaths from the prettiness of a tearing Yunho. To feel your breath hitched in your chest when his pretty lips started to tremble. To feel your heart ached when he raised his tearing orbs into your soul.

 

I continue to hold Yunho in my arms, my hand patting on his shoulder blades, my mouth whispering words of ‘I’ll always be here for you’, my eyes staring into nothingness while he cries soundlessly in my arms.

 

“Jaejoong . . . how could I ever live without you?”

 

The corners of my mouth stretched into a full bloomed grin.

 

“Shh . . . I’ll be always here for you . . .  because no one but me can truly understand you, Yunho ah.”

 

My Yunho ah.

 

 

________________________________________________________________________



a/nII: ...don't everything in here seem kind of abrupt? Even the way it ends. lol. I want my idiotic muses back.

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Comments

( 48 rants — Rant it. )
lynnluvtvxq
Jul. 21st, 2008 04:01 pm (UTC)
beautiful.
hope ur muses come back soon.
luvkangta
Jul. 21st, 2008 04:05 pm (UTC)
my gosh. that one word is truly flattering. Thank you *huggles* I hope they come back too. my muses always suck big time. =x
lynnluvtvxq
Jul. 21st, 2008 04:01 pm (UTC)
and i'm 1st??
yeay
luvkangta
Jul. 21st, 2008 04:05 pm (UTC)
and yes, you're first!! *gives you yunjae printed cookies jar*
vrilly
Jul. 21st, 2008 04:12 pm (UTC)
T____________________________T
luvkangta
Jul. 22nd, 2008 01:37 pm (UTC)
T____________________________T??

*huggles*
vrilly
Jul. 22nd, 2008 01:42 pm (UTC)
sad. :(
luvkangta
Jul. 22nd, 2008 02:20 pm (UTC)
aw, don't be! *gives you jar of cookies*
alisya22
Jul. 21st, 2008 04:43 pm (UTC)
Save a spot..Need to sleep first.
So I'll read this later.
Ok right?

luvkangta
Jul. 22nd, 2008 01:38 pm (UTC)
Okay, I'll be waiting~ <3
crystaldee
Jul. 21st, 2008 05:13 pm (UTC)
Jae obsession is covered up by his caring to Yunnie....
^___^
luvkangta
Jul. 22nd, 2008 01:39 pm (UTC)
aw! XDDD that's a sweet way of putting it across <3
jangwoohyuk35
Jul. 21st, 2008 08:48 pm (UTC)
Truly wonderful, and with a tinge of bittersweetness...Well, I for one loved it. But then again, your stuff is always amazing to me...hehe ;)

What i liked about this is how you made Jaejoong selfish in wanting Yunho only for himself in a sense...plus, there were no other pairings...**coughYooSucough...like in most stories...so YAY!! Won't say no more except **points to my icon** hehe...

I have faith that your muses will come back full force!! No worries! I'll wait forever! :)

Love ya!! <3 <3
luvkangta
Jul. 22nd, 2008 01:45 pm (UTC)
aw! that's so sweet of you, you YooMin-bias. LOL! my stuff is amazing to you cos no YooSu right =.=

I really hope that my muses will come back. lately i have been itching to write, but just can't T_T
i won't let you wait for me forever! just..wait a little while more. LOL.
lova ya too, and you know that ♥
kattan69
Jul. 21st, 2008 11:42 pm (UTC)
It has been a while but glad you are back in updating something for us....just hope your creative juices and muses comes back to you soon. Anything from you is loved and appreciated.

As for this one...Jae is really possessive over Yunho that in such a way he cleverly convinced him, he only needs Jae and no one else. A bit scary here....can't imagine what will happen if Jae didn't get what he wants.

Thanks for everything and hope to see another of your brilliant works soon!

luvkangta
Jul. 22nd, 2008 01:46 pm (UTC)
Been a while huh? sigh. i feel lonely T_______T i hope they come back too!
and aw, thank you so much for your love and appreciation! ♥ You know how much that will encourage me <3

I hope i can post something more soon too =)
poohjae
Jul. 22nd, 2008 01:52 am (UTC)
omo TT-TT

I am also torn here between crying senseless or kissing the autor senseless for sharing this beautifullypainful story!

Poor, Junsu-yah~ come cry to noona~ hehehe :P
luvkangta
Jul. 22nd, 2008 01:47 pm (UTC)
omo, don't cry T_T *gives you tissue and a hug*

uh, better not kiss th writer senseless, cos the writer is still shamelessly saving up for Yunho (as if Jae would allow that) so..uh. LOL! CRY THEN.

<33
mickey8
Jul. 22nd, 2008 02:25 am (UTC)
it's not dried up creativity. it's your creativity from PB overflowed. don't you think this is somehow a brach from that psychotic Jae that you're so used in writing nowadays?

no offense but i'm a Jae-bias and you're a friend. it really stirred my curiosity... why is JaeJoong always the mental-sick one here?

it's alright to be selfish and wanna feel special. be the special one. but coming from you so frequently... it makes me a lil sad... (=.=).

but this doesn't refrain me from saying... this is a good try in first person POV. ^^
luvkangta
Jul. 22nd, 2008 01:54 pm (UTC)
haiya, you jae-bias, don't be sad la. don't emo! let me this friend cum yunho-bias to stisfiy your curiousity. LOL!

This is really creative juices dried up. Cos i can write nothing now, and when i start to write, it's some same old stuff again. but i really can't write a word in pb. Hopefully this would not be seen as a branch from pb, cos i really enjoy writing psyco things =.= i mean, look at my Insane Joy series =.=
but. yeah..you know..i can only write yunjae. i swear i didn't plan this la, as usual =.= somehow..unconcsiously i wrote from first person's pov. i was like, halfway through before i realise? yeah. and somehow..i can't write in yunho's pov. you may have realised, jaejoong is always more of the story's pov even in third person's pov. it could be Yunho taking up Jae's role, but somehow..i guess this is THE part of me trying to "own" Yunho through fics. and so poor jae, he is the victim hahaha!

and what so frequent that make you sad! we know the real jae is not like that la. and i guess i'm the rare fews writing jae like this so.

*huggles*

p.s. where you? i wanna ask you about the sm bangkok thing.
chloe1910
Jul. 28th, 2008 02:46 pm (UTC)
Lol! We actually asked the same question...haha, cuase I am Jae-biased too...
alisya22
Jul. 22nd, 2008 05:19 am (UTC)
Posessive Jae..I like.
*kicks your muse bak into you..
Thanks for writing this. Love it lots.
luvkangta
Jul. 22nd, 2008 01:56 pm (UTC)
i like too, cos posessive jae belongs to yunho <3

yes, PLEASE KICK THEM BACK TO ME. KICK THEM HARD!

thank you for the comment! it encourages me <3
chocsoclove
Jul. 22nd, 2008 06:06 am (UTC)
T___T

kind of feel sorry for Jae, although he's the almost psycho character here.

this is ♥

i hope your muse returns! (although this is so good i wouldn't have known if i didn't read the a/n)

luvkangta
Jul. 22nd, 2008 02:03 pm (UTC)
yeah, i feel kinda sorry for him too =x i think it's tiring to be like the jaejoong in here =0

aw ♥
thank you ♥
i hope they return too T_T i want to write more T_T
(Deleted comment)
luvkangta
Jul. 22nd, 2008 02:06 pm (UTC)
Aw, thank you &heart's that is quite an encouragement, i'll my best to force myself on my muses. LOL.

<3
ara_niey
Jul. 22nd, 2008 08:55 am (UTC)
ahhh~the ever possessive joongie~

a little creepy..but i'm totally used with your creepy-possessive-joongie..keke~
luvkangta
Jul. 22nd, 2008 02:08 pm (UTC)
LOL! you shouldn't be immune to such things!


thank you♥
anazianblonde
Jul. 23rd, 2008 06:23 am (UTC)
wow...so...enticing. Manipulatively possessive and beautiful. love this1 <3
luvkangta
Jul. 24th, 2008 02:36 pm (UTC)
aw, thank you ♥
kawaii_shuai
Jul. 23rd, 2008 03:49 pm (UTC)
drabble = bad.

CONTINUE D:

luvkangta
Jul. 24th, 2008 02:37 pm (UTC)
TSK.

cutiemongmong
Jul. 23rd, 2008 04:52 pm (UTC)
Jae is so possessive and obsessive here.

Whatever, I still feel very glad because after all, Jae is deeply in love with Yunho. So even when he intentionally isolated Yunho from the whole world's care, at least yunho will always have him by his side to depend on whenever felling exhausted

<333
luvkangta
Jul. 24th, 2008 02:40 pm (UTC)
LOL! you're one fan of..possessiveness?

<333
chloe1910
Jul. 28th, 2008 05:08 am (UTC)
I don't think it's abrupt...this is kinda hauntingly beautiful..I could feel Yunho's pain but at the same time, I am not worried cause I know Jaejoong will be there for him.

I've no idea why Es, but you seems to love writing Jae as a possessive, selfish person whenever it concerns Yunho.

Perhaps you feel that Love is selfish? Sorry if I've offened you but somehow, I can't help feeling this way whenever I read your Jae...

Edited at 2008-07-28 05:08 am (UTC)
luvkangta
Jul. 28th, 2008 02:15 pm (UTC)
lol! you asked similar question as mickey8 up there. Go read my reply to her comment if it helps =) perhaps both of you won't feel so odd if it was always Yunho instead of Jae?
Yes..in some sense, i do think that love is selfish. But my way of protraying has always been too off and abstract. I can't help it that i love abstract works <3

well..i can't say for sure, but i'm working on alternates right now: the next one, hopefully, would be Yunho instead of Jae =)
chloe1910
Jul. 28th, 2008 02:51 pm (UTC)
It's not taht I want Yunho to be the one instead but I just felt that you love to portray Jae as the psychotic one....being Jae-biased like mickey8, I feel really bad for Jae. But this doesn't mean that I want Yunho to be the one who is bearing the brunt instead...

Haha..I have no idea what I am trying to say now...

Ps: Es, I am not sure who is your fave here..but I feel that actually Jae might be your favourite, that's why you portray him that way...lol! Am I making any sense to you? But then again, you did say you are Yunho-biased...

PPS: You are going to the Bangkok SM fest??? You are travelling from Singapore????

Edited at 2008-07-28 02:53 pm (UTC)
luvkangta
Jul. 28th, 2008 03:31 pm (UTC)
LOL! No hon, I'm surprised you don't know who my fav is. My love for Jaejoong is always more..unique and special as compared to my love for others, but my fav is always Yunho, ever since i first lay my eyes on him ♥

..uh..i'm not so sure about the bangkok anymore =x but yes, from singapore if i'm going.
uknow_jaeho
Jul. 30th, 2008 11:44 pm (UTC)
I think it might be Jae's boldness when it comes to love that makes you write Jae is extremely possessive. He always states that any kind of love should be accepted. He even boldly said he loved his history teacher. It think so cuz this is what I always view Jae as: reckless and fearly dedicated when it comes to love. Actually that is why the Jae in your fics in my favorite portay of hi. In other words, I love your Jae so plz to see more of him. <3333

Hell yes, Yunho forever!!!
luvkangta
Jul. 31st, 2008 01:59 pm (UTC)
*Speechless so hugging you till you choked*

uknow_jaeho
Jul. 30th, 2008 11:35 pm (UTC)
Poor Su. T_____T Jae kills the HoSuness once again. But I want his ability to eat Yunho up alive and keep him safety in his stomanch LOL. >0< MINE!!!!! *go steal Yunho*
luvkangta
Jul. 31st, 2008 01:59 pm (UTC)
i love hosu too~~ <33

NO YUNHO IS JAE'S and MINE!

<33
snowflakes065
Sep. 28th, 2008 09:17 am (UTC)
ah. new reader. Just like pandora's Jae is so possessive with Yunho. correct me if i'm wrong!!
added you as my friend so i can get an update on you pandora's^^
luvkangta
Sep. 28th, 2008 09:58 am (UTC)
sure, i'll add you back in a short while =)
criztalinz
Jun. 9th, 2010 12:26 am (UTC)
O.O..

I'm not sure if I should think it's sweet that Jae obviously so damn possesive of Yunho or to feel a bit scary that he IS so DAMN POSSESIVe of Yunho =.=;;;

Jae is a bit of a psycho here.. an extremely clever one. God knows what will happen if Yunho fell in ♥ with one of the other guys or if Jae found out one of them likes Yunho O.O.. My pray for that person's safety -.-
criztalinz
Jun. 9th, 2010 12:27 am (UTC)
Oh, and I'm so adding you! Sorry just found your fics today.. I kinda got into DBSK extremely late compares to you guys TT-TT
outlandishhh
Jun. 23rd, 2010 01:27 pm (UTC)
it's better late than never =)

outlandishhh
Jun. 23rd, 2010 01:26 pm (UTC)
haha, this drabble is just soemthing for me to toss some of my pandora's box angst into. too much angst in pb, i have to let out some steam!

thank you so much for digging this out =) it's good for me to reread again lol.
( 48 rants — Rant it. )

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